Monday, August 25, 2014

Struggles of a Pastor's Kid

I think the number 1 struggle of Pastor's Kids is false expectations imposed upon them. Just because they are PK's, people think that "Oh, he's such a good boy" or "You should know this Bible stuff, right?" and even negative remarks such as "You are a PK and yet you are annoying..or yet you do this (something considered bad) or you don't do this (something considered "holy"). Let's face it, PKs are not perfect. We slip up, we make mistakes, we don't know everything, and we are learning.

Here are some some struggles that I faced when dealing with people:

1. You are expected to behave like a good boy

I remember when I was a kid at school, my teacher said something about how she met two pastor's kids who were very well behaved, and that they are the only ones they saw that amazed them. The Perfect Role Model, or The Perfect Pastor's Kids. Like HELLOOOOO, I'm in front of you, the perfect pk..jk
At that time, I think that it was inplanted in my brain that "I need to change. I need to be more like a good boy, to be a very good role model."

2. You are expected to be spiritually mature

People expect you to be very good at prayer, and also memorize lots of verses. They expect you to not fight back, or not be angry. (So I think it is because of this I never got into a fistfight..whew, thank God)

3. You are expected to serve or to give

Just because my dad is in the ministry, people expected me to be in the ministry. Sometimes, people give me a "judgement" type of look when they find out I am not the song leader in our church. Well that was during my teens, but still it haunted me to think "am I really saved If I am not serving in the church?" and etc.

The thing is, WE (not just pks) Christians have our own convictions, our own calling and own skills and talents that we can offer to God. So to Christians out there struggling with expectations of you to serve in the ministry, don't mind them. Find your own talent that you could offer, do not let the people move you in a way that you are serving God forcefully.

4. You are expected to be holy

People expect you to have a high standard for clothing or for you to listen to very holy and angelic music. And being a teenager, I was hooked into metal music, but then I saw this one lady from church borrowed my mp3 player who gave me "the dirty look".. "the criticizing look." I know I am wrong into liking this stuff, but still the judgement I took was awful.

We all have our own challenges, be it a strive for holiness, or spiritual maturity.

5. You are expected to be perfect

Perfect in the eyes of men, and when people see that you are not what they expect to be, THEY get disappointed. The thing is, WHY ARE THEY DISAPPOINTED? It is not their life. I am not their child, or sibling.
One mistake seems to be a big mistake that would affect their life. Maybe it is from their understanding that PK's are role models. And when we make mistakes, their child may think "oh, that pk made a mistake and it seems like it was ok, so let me do it" and maybe they are afraid of that kind of scenario. That is true, but we still make mistakes. We still do sin.

With all these false expectations, I think there was a phase in my teen years where I learned how to put on a mask, to maybe satisfy all these false expectations. This is very dangerous to all Christians, where they put on a mask and faking their Christianity to show that "I'm changed" or "I'm a Christian now because I do all these good things." And who is to blame for that? FELLOW CHRISTIANs WHO PLACE FALSE EXPECTATIONS ON FELLOW CHRISTIANS. We are expected to be spiritually mature, while not realizing that we have our own struggles. Then I learned to let go and just be myself. By God's transforming Grace, I learned to correct my wrongdoings. I learned to live for God and not for men.

Though I have faced them, I can say I SURVIVED! Now I'm old (not that old >.< just 21), I now know how to deal with criticisms (naah, I just ignore them :3 ). And even if they are bad experiences, I can say that these experiences molded me into what I am today. Who knows, without them, I may not love God, or trust in Him.

1 comment:

  1. HI!

    I just read your blog spot. Everyone of these assertions are true. However, they are *expectations* that, IHMO, are beyond the ability of a small child to live up to. This is especially true when the child sees other kids doing exactly the same things he/she is not supposed to do, it puts great pressure upon the child and engenders many feelings--most of which are not good. They can be Anger, Confusion, Resentment, feelings of failure and inadequacy. It inhibits emotional development, creates mistrust and social awkwardness, stifles the inate talents the child may have. After all, we are not all automatically "called" to Christian service, yet we are expected by many to become pastors and ministers of music, etc by those around us. If we don't, then we are automatically believed to be somehow "flawed" and "sinful" because we simply have no desire to follow in our Dad's footsteps. My mother groomed me to become a minister of music, insisting I take music and piano as a child--something I really had no desire to do. After being all but tarred and feathered and run out of one mountain town, that was not about to happen! The experience of being a PK scarred me for life, and tho I succeeded, in general, I feel I never reached my true potential or fully developed whatever talents I may have had because the "glass house" inhibited me for fear of causing trouble for my Dad with the all-powerful "BOARD of DEACONS" who thought that they were now a governing body of our church denomination. They were, and are, according to our Convention's general by-laws and constitution, mistaken, and have totally misinterpreted the meaning of the position of "Deacon". Despite sermons to the contrary that "deacon" means "servant who waits tables", these pious old buzzards now think it is up to them to tell the pastor what to do--And FIRE him if they want to.

    It is these "deacons" and others in the church that cause PKs to become SICK of that life and the pressure and false expectations
    placed upon them--even going so far as to abandon the Church altogether. THIS PK did. From age 18 to 26. Totally fed up with "church", the hypocritical "christians" who destroyed my development, the travel, the changing of schools, I was on my own at age 17 when, yet again, in the middle of my senior year, our family moved again to another strange town. I told Pop, I AIN'T GOING! I'll run away from home if you try to make me. Dad let me stay in that community to finish high school, for he understood the pressures I had endured for so many years, the harm that had been done to me in that little mountain town full of pop-bellied "deacons" and pseudo-christians. I stayed behind, graduated from HS went to college. Any thought of "christian vocation" destroyed, I ultimately hired out on a major railroad, learned to fly private planes, lived quietly in a medium size city, married, then divorced, raised a daughter. I returned to the piano in my mid-twenties, switched to organ, play part-time at a small church (been known to play jazz and Frank Sinatra at times :) ), and build cabinetry for home. I wonder what those bilious buffoons (deacons) that ran us off in 1962 would think) :grin:? To be a PK? I wouldn't wish that on a mongrel dog!


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